Doing Well

Okay, so everyone needs a new start and I really think I found my new start. I really like how I feel about myself and how I don't feel "fat" when I eat fewer calories. I slip up here and there, but it's life.

Like today for instance. I wasn't at home all day so I had to make smart choices. For breakfast I had a bagel with cream cheese and it was so yummy. For lunch, after moving some furniture into the truck, Randy and I were driving down Gratiot and we decided to hit up Tubby's for lunch. Yea, subs aren't high in calories right?! I was so wrong! My sub was over 900 cals and over 50 g of fat. Yea, I had a high fat count today. Oh well! lol

My calories ended up being my maintenance cals for the day so all is well.

Laura: I do relate to you in a huge way!! If anything, I'll prob be how you are now when I reach my goal. I just figured we could talk about it. No bad feelings whatsoever!!

Checking In

So, as my last post stated, I made a change!!

I switched to an entirely different website: HERE!!

This website is amazing! It's just like the daily plate, but much better. There are still forums where people can talk and relate to each other, but when you click on a button that says Complete Today's Entry, it says...If everyday was like today's, you'd weigh ______ in 5 weeks. How amazing is that?! It keeps you in check by critiquing how you did for the day.

I am trying to wean myself down off of my ginormous (lol) calorie intake I am used to eating, so I thought I could make it on 1300 calories yesterday...boy was I wrong! I ended up not doing so bad :) I ate 1,854 calories. So, today I'm hoping to get under that by 100 or so. I think weaning myself off slowly is better than going cold turkey. :)

I also started working out. I so did NOT want to start, but I HAD to. So, yesterday I walked for 25 minutes on the treadmill and then I did my weights. Mainly my arms because they are in desperate need for toning. I have that jiggly stuff that old women normally have.....no offense, but I'm 22...my arms should not be looking like that yet!! lol

Well, I hope everyone else is doing well. I am so far and I like it.

It's Been A While

Wow. It has been a long time since I've updated. Well, things just continued to get worse with my weight.

Good News: I'm engaged!!! (since Sweetest Day)

Bad News: I've gained weight and this time I can FEEL the weight in new areas. This is the worst feeling ever!

So, I've been eating horribly because of stress with my mom and the wedding. She's trying to tell me what I can/cannot do. Um, who's wedding is this again? Oh that's right...NOT YOURS!!! Ugh...

So, I'm sitting at 190 or more...I have not weighed myself for accuracy. I weighed myself a few days ago at night and was 191 so I'm prob 2 lbs less. I am usually 2 lbs less in the morning.

What I said above about FEELING the weight in new areas, I hate it. It's like when I walk, I can feel the new fat in my hips and thighs. My arms can totally feel it....and I have more of a chin than normal. It's disgusting.

The funny thing is though, when I do go for the fast food to drown my sorrows, I am not thinking this is gonna just turn into fat. I have this realization in my head that I won't gain weight. Isn't that weird? I feel like I'm just eating another meal. I have to be eating over 2500 calories a day even more I'm sure.

I remember telling myself that once school started I'll be okay and start losing weight because I'll be on a routine. No, that changed because my classes are night classes. My Monday night class is from 5 until about 9:15ish. We only get one 25 minute break and the cafeteria is about a 3 min walk plus you have to stand in line for food and then eat/talk with my friends plus get a bathroom break if I'm lucky. It's horrible. I can try to bring my food, but reheating it takes some time. There are only 2 microwaves too so if it's in use, then I'm screwed. ugh...

I'm wearing more and more sweaters to cover up my stomach. At least I am aware of what I'm doing and not in denial about how I look. This blog turned into a pity party didn't it?

One thing that I can not let myself do is become obsessed with losing weight. The main reason why I left youtube was because I got so obsessed with losing weight and everything involving weight loss. First, I deleted my videos from youtube. Then, I just continued watching other people for inspiration. My obsession continued, so then I just stopped logging in to watch weight loss videos. It worked for a while. I still to this day will log on a watch those people whose videos capture me.

I have become way more busier than I was over the summer lol. I have so much homework to do including creating lesson plans and thematic units. I have like no time for anything because when I'm not doing homework or have class, the other two days I'm inside a fourth grade classroom where I'll be student teaching in December.

So that's where I'm at.

A Day of Pure Nothing

I got to stay in my pajamas all day. I'm not really happy about it though because I went to do laundry and then there was a lot of water on the basement floor. Basically our drain backed up, again, and it's because of roots in our drain that clog it. My dad gets home and asks me if I cleaned it and I was told by my mom that he was going to clean it and take care of it. I have no clue what I was doing if I did do it. So, my dad got mad at me because I didn't do anything. This is funny, but he asked me if I went to the bathroom and made it back up....I'm like No, I was doing laundry and then there was a bunch of water on the floor.

So now I'm finishing up my laundry because it's fixed now....whoo hoo.

Thank You!!!

I want to thank everyone for all the comments on my last blog. You all don't know how much that meant to me to hear from you all. The whole letter idea...I've done that in the past and it worked for like a day.

My mom and I went to Cedar Pointe on Saturday and we had a blast. There were no arguments...nothing! Sunday was the same thing.....and I'm talking about food issues...there were none. I hope it continues to not be a problem, but with my mom it's up and down.

I weighed myself this morning just for the hell of it and it said I'm 187 lbs. That's 3 lbs away from my all time high...:( Right now I am not happy with the way I look. Isn't that weird that self image changed daily? It makes me crazy. I saw Mandy's video about how "There is no Try" and it really made me think about how all my life while dieting I set myself up for failure. I do nothing, but talk....like I have nothing to back it up.

I got this thing in the mail about Weight Watchers and thought about going to the meetings to keep my mindset right and getting weighed in there and stuff, but I'm unsure if I would stick to it. :( That's so sad.

It's like when I'm not trying to diet, I gain weight. It's so horrible. Then I saw on YouTube that Aggy83 is back on :) Aggy83isback!!!!<---that's her youtube name..... She was the whole reason why I started counting calories way back in January. Her success was my motivation to continue and when she up and left...I was so sad :( I can't believe that she was gone!! She said she had personal reasons as to why she left..no she didn't gain her weight back or anything, but yea she is my inspiration.

I'll probably resort to counting calories again. I'm a loser.

Me Being Real Honest

To anyone who reads this....be forewarned.....I am leaving YouTube.

I can not take it anymore.

The failure, the hopes, the dreams, the annoyances, the hurt I feel every day, it all has to stop.

I feel like a failure and a quitter. In fact, I am a quitter and a failure when it comes to my purpose being on YouTube. I get on saying I'm really excited about a new diet or idea that I have and then I come back saying it didn't work or I just didn't like it.

Not to mention the drama recently on youtube is crazy ridiculous and I just want to get away.

My weight loss journey, looking back, in January was full of hope and dreams. I was so into it while working out while living with my boyfriend that I was happy and doing something that I wanted to do. Once I moved back home, I stopped trying. I had the stress of my mom on my back wanting me to lose weight that it just makes me want to do the opposite and not even try anymore. :(

Seriously, if I get talked to over and over again about losing weight, it's just gonna make me not try. I have to want to do this for myself. Every single time I look into dieting I go and show my mom the diet plan just to get her excited and off of my back. When I stop, she tells me to continue eating because that's all I do.

Take tonight for instance...I really needed a shoulder to cry on. I get home and my mom is downstairs so I rush upstairs(hiding the McD's from her) and eat my two cheeseburgers. Then I go downstairs (mom is sleeping on the couch b/c my dad snores and moves around a lot) and I go in and take my McFlurry out of the freezer. Less than 10 minutes later, she comes up and says that we need to talk. I did not sneak my McFlurry upstairs because she was sleeping and it was in my hand it was just dark ...no lights were on when I walked by. She comes upstairs saying that I do nothing but bring home McD's every night (not true, I would admit that too but it's not true) and she says I do nothing but eat all day. Again, not true. She's at work all day and I go to work right before she gets home. She has no idea what I do all day. I have plenty of opportunities to eat...I mean I work at the Pretzel Peddler for god's sake. So she gets me really mad by telling me that I've quit my diet and I continue to piss her off by saying yes mom, I'm a quitter. She says I need help and I told her that she can't help me because I like my body right now. I like who I am and where I'm at in life. She doesn't hear that at all. It goes in one ear and our the other. I feel like all I do is try to make her happy and so she doesn't have a fat daughter.

That's all I've been to her is fat.

My eyes are tearing up as I'm writing this because this is ruining my life. Last year when I was doing MWLC diet, I wasn't at home and I think that's why I was so successful. If I was at home, I'd have the stress of her watching me like a hawk while eating ruin my day.

I feel so alone in this because I feel like I'm the only one who feels hurt when they eat. And my boyfriend wonders why I hate eating in front of family members....or why I hate walking by and getting food at family gatherings....or why I'm afraid to even eat fatty foods in front of others because I'm afraid someone will tell me it's not good for me.

I have cried so much in the past because of one tiny comment someone made to me even if they didn't mean it towards me in a negative way. No one knows the hurt I feel everyday besides my boyfriend. He's tried and tried to be positive and be happy for me but I can't be happy right now.

I tell myself that this is just how big I'll always be. I do like who I am and I want to embrace my size, but then I have someone saying that it's not healthy for me and I look fat and stuff.

Now of course I would love to be smaller and fit into all my 14s but in reality, right now I'm not ready to do the work to lose weight. I'm just not mentally there because I feel it's consumed my life.

I need to break free......:'(

Ramblings

It's been a long time since I last wrote an update. Ever since, pretty much, the end of the June Challenge way back when, I noticed that I slacked off and completely gave up. I have not been aware of the things I eat because I've been eating everything I want. It's funny to say that it should be satisfying because it's what I wanted, but it's the complete opposite. I feel stuffed, gross, bloated, huge, and not happy with myself. I think it has to do with what I wear. Most of my stuff doesn't fit me anymore. I have 2 pairs of jeans that are way too big on me that I wear and I feel gross in them. I have to wear them though because I don't have the funds right now to buy jeans that fit me. I have 1 pair that fits perfectly and I feel awesome in them :) I only have about 4 pairs of jeans. Yep, that's about right.

So, weight loss news....I'm sitting at 185 right now. So, that means that I've kept off 5 lbs since January lol. It's a loss yes, but I should have done way better haha! Oh well. I have some pretty high hopes and goals for the upcoming Fall and Winter for me :)

Randy's sister, Wendy, started a new diet that her dietitian gave her and her first week ended on Thursday. She had lost 5 lbs!! Her diet is about 1800 calories which is fine for her, but I had to find something around 1200-1400 for mine online. Same basic concept, but a little lower in calories. The diet that she was put on is the Diabetic Diet because she has PCOS. I'm so proud of her and I'm happy for her for losing weight and I know this diet will work for her. I am not diabetic nor do I have any medical conditions, but this diet says that even if you need to lose weight, it'll work. It basically is a list of foods under milk, fats, bread/starches, and so on that you can fit into your meal plans. You get so many of it a day and you limit sweets and stuff. You can basically eat anything you want, just plan for it and be prepared. I still wanted to do some research to try to find something that was layed out a bit more better than her diet.

This is what I found that should be fool proof :)

I am really looking forward to trying it, but I just don't know when to start yet. I want the weight to come off and with this diet I know it will. Should I wait until school starts in 2 weeks from tomorrow or just start tomorrow? I'm not sure. I'll just say this, whenever I start, I'm going to stick with it. If I go off plan for a meal or day or whatever, I'll get right back on it. No more excuses this time, but what's funny is, this is all easier said than done! lol

I'm excited about change and I hope it works :)

Having Trouble

Okay, so I started completely fresh on Wednesday of this week :) I didn't realize how tough getting back on track really is. With how many calories I ate yesterday and Wednesday, you'd think I'd want to quit by now...but NO, I'm not quitting. :)

Okay, Wednesday I had (and I had to work Wed, Thurs, and today) I had 1669 calories. :( Thursday, yesterday, I had 2029 calories....about my maintenance. So, looking back on that, I journal in my little book every day with my food log and I've come to the conclusion that I get really hungry late at night. Because my parents sleep right next to the kitchen, it's hard for me to sneak down and get food, yes I said sneak and there's a reason for that.

But anyways, it's very hard for me to get back on track considering I work 6 hours and It's usually during my lunch and dinner and ugh...I just have to plan better!! Today I work at 4-9:15 so I think I can plan my dinner much better lol.

The reason why I say it's hard to get back on track is because I'm too used to overeating that it's going to take me some time to get back down to my "weight loss" calories. I'm trying though, I really am, but I am not giving up this time. I know it'll get easier, it just gets harder before it gets easier lol.

Hope you all are having a great week!!

Take care :)

Damage Control

Hello to everyone who actually reads this lol...my birthday weekend went absolutely fabulous and my mom's bday was today so that was another cake filled day. I'm so over cake now!! lol

I need to get my butt into gear. I know I've done some major damage this past week/2 weeks so I need to start losing the weight. I've put a lot of thought into what I'm going to do and I can't believe that I've wasted months on trying to figure out what's best for me. I just need to DO IT!!

With the way that my life is going, I've decided to continue with counting calories to lose weight. No, I don't know how to fit every "good for you" food into every meal, but I do know how to stay within my calorie range. I need to start preparing food for school when I have a night class and I just need to eat small things between meals to satisfy myself.

I really can't believe I've wasted all that freakin time!!

Ok, I remember what I said in one of my first videos when I started YouTube. I wanted to lose all my weight by January of 2009. I started January 1st, 2008.....and what is today?? August 26th, 2008. Time has gone by so fast and what have I got to show for it? NOTHING...well maybe I've kept off 5 lbs so I guess that's an accomplishment :)

But seriously.....I have nothing to show for it so tomorrow is the day where I start over. Completely fresh. Yes, there will be obstacles. Yes, there will be times where I fail. But, I have to keep going or I will never see results.

I'm too used to wanting to lose weight fast from my last diet I was on. It seriously screwed up my mind into thinking that whenever I "diet" I have to lose fast or it's not working. I need to stop thinking this way and just live life. I can't keep worrying about food constantly 24/7. I feel as if it's always on my mind and once I'm done eating one thing, the next order of business is on my mind. It's horrible. Some days are okay if I'm busy. I usually don't think about food when I'm busy because my mind is in tune with what I'm doing. I know once school starts, it'll be like that, but for now, I have to start making the good habit of cutting my calories and try to be healthier.

Since I'll be starting tomorrow, I'm back to my weigh in Wednesdays like I did back when I started in January :) Weigh in Wednesdays work and I'll start tomorrow with a video before work (hopefully) and a weigh in showing my horrible damage :(. Oh well, I have to face it sooner or later. I just know I'll be lighter next week :)

Another thing, I can't keep switching back and forth if I want to do WW or CC because my body has been through enough ya know? I need to pick one and stick with it :) I've realized that I can not do WW because first of all, I think I'll only see results if I go to the meetings and actually get help from them and two, even e-tools is too damn expensive for me to try and get all the resources so I'm not doing WW. If I ever say mention doing it again please slap me!!! lol

CC will work and with the support of my YouTube friends I know I can do this.

Here's to losing weight in 2008!!!! :)

August 20th

Well, I kind of binged on work food yesterday and I got a Blizzard from the Dairy Queen in the mall. Not a good day yesterday....I felt sick when I got home, but I feel much better today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANTI!!!!

Ok, so today I've realized that I want to change my goal weight. I spent a good portion of last night while a game was downloading to look at old pictures and videos of myself when I was about 165ish lbs. I looked so skinny!! When I was doing Weight Watchers, I got all the way down to 158ish and hovered around 165 for like a year. I loved my weight and I was curvy. I still had my boobs lol, and I loved that. When I did Medical Weight Loss Clinic Diet, I got down to 155 lbs and I felt good, but my boobs were getting small (I didn't like that lol) and my shape was getting skinnier. Trust me, I want to be thin, but I don't want to lose my curves.

I've only thought about this overnight and I'm known for changing my mind, but my new goal weight is 160 lbs. According to doctors everywhere and even charts I will still be considered 10 lbs overweight for my height, BUT I will be comfortable in my skin. If I choose to be thinner, I'll go from there, but I've realized that I like my curves. I don't want to obsess about clothing sizes or shirt sizes. I was built to have larger boobs so I will always be in a Large or Extra Large shirt and my hips are larger than most so I have to accept that. I will be happy in size 14 jeans because they will hug my hips and thighs and will make me look beautiful. My face will always be bigger than most because I've always had a chubby jawline, even when I was a child it was the same. I don't want to be stick thin.

My goal weight might be higher than most, but that is my comfortable weight. What is yours?

MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!! OMG! :)

Feels Good

It feels really good to be back on track. There were multiply times last night when I wanted to say forget this and eat bad. We walked passed the Dairy Queen twice but because none of us had cash on us (cash only place) we didn't get any. I guess that was a plus. We walked back from downtown Ferndale back home to have dinner so I made Chicken Tenders, mashed potatoes, peas, and for dessert I made small bowls of vanilla ice cream, strawberries and chocolate sauce! I surprised Randy with that meal :) I did good!

I stayed within my calories yesterday and it feels awesome. I woke up this morning 2 lbs lighter (water weight) :) and I know I can do it today. I'm gonna be out in the sun mostly and watching the classic cars cruise up and down Woodward. I'm gonna eat lunch before I go and then we'll probably come back home to have dinner before we go out again with my parents. Usually I'll stay downtown Ferndale unless someone else drives north on Woodward because usually it's bumper to bumper slow like less than 5 mph due to sooo many classic cars. I like 13 mile and Woodward because that's where a bunch of bands are and the bars :) If my parents take us up there, then I'll probably walk to the nearest bar and just have fun there lol I'm not sure yet. My parents absolutely hate drinking and are against it and said that I can't drink if front of them. Not even while other family (outside of immediate) members drink at our family gatherings am I allowed to drink...wtf! So, we'll see how today goes :) It's a beautiful day today :)

take care :)

New Start

Well, since my weigh ins are on Friday's now....I weighed myself today for a whole new fresh start.

I really wasn't trying all week long or the past month so I figured that I need a new goal to get me motivated. I want to be 175 lbs when school starts the last week of September. So, by Friday September 26th, I want to be 175 lbs. As of right now, I'm 184.0 lbs exactly.

I really believe I can achieve this goal by eating healthy, exercising and having foods I love in moderation while portioning them. My exercise is definitely possible because right now I work nights. That means my work schedule is usually from 3-9:15pm...give or take an hour start time and once school starts, I'll be having night classes Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesdays. So, this means that if I start now with an exercise routine to do it in the mornings after breakfast, then I won't have to change that routine once school starts. I think that's a great idea.

My second goal is to be 170 lbs by Halloween. This is doable as well and I'm hoping to achieve it quickly!

Another thing, I was watching a fellow YouTuber and she had this awesome idea to buy a planner, or if you already have one, and put stickers on every day that you stay on plan. She's doing weight watchers so she put a sticker for everyday on plan and a sad face for everyday not on plan. She had more stickers than sad faces so she was doing just fine :) That really inspired me to keep going and actually do this because you are seeing first hand how many days you really are staying on track. It's a mini reward for your long term goal. So, today, while we go to Downtown Ferndale for the Dream Cruise, I'll be stopping by the store for stickers to put in my planner. Most likely, they will go in my school planner once I get my books so I'm so looking forward to that :) Thanks Melissa for the idea :)

Anywho, I'm doing laundry and about to get ready to take a walk downtown with Randy so I have to go. Oh and I'm tracking on Sparkpeople so I stay in line with calories and I've also decided to get rid of my most horrible vice of food.....cheese....so far so good. I had scrambled eggs instead of an omelet so yay for me :)

Self Control

I desperately need to bring back my self control. I've had it before and then it went away and now I need it back again. I have been slipping back heavily onto my old eating habits and it is putting wear and tear on my body. I feel awful and I am sweating more. Yes, it's hot outside, but damn lol.

I can't keep saying that work is my excuse for eating horribly...I just can't keep doing that! I have to learn to work around the tough things in life and not give in all the time. I really want to lose the weight. It might be that I'm bored with my food options....so I bought a recipe book. It's fabulously designed and I can't wait to make something from it :). This book is going to help me make meals for the week ahead of time so I can just take it out and eat it. I am also reading a new book called Fat Girl. I'm only on Chapter 6, but so far it's good. It's about the author's life of being fat and wanting to be loved and things like that. I need to read more to get into her life...I'm still at the part where it speaks about her parents and how she was growing up fat.

So, I just need to stop eating so much and eat right! I know it's in me and I just need to do it!

I am starting tomorrow! I have to work again tomorrow night but I will not go over my calories....I will not let food overpower me again..............NO MORE!

Gnight

I'm A Failure

I honestly tried today to be good and do well. I worked out, ate well up until work. I had about 1900 calories today minus 400 that I burned on the elliptical so it was okay today, but I still feel like a failure...why do you ask? Because of work! I can't wait until about a month from now when I don't work (go back to school full time and commute from home) and I'll be able to plan accordingly and my school has a microwave for my night classes. My work doesn't have one...stupid work!! So, my goals are still in play, but I really don't see me getting right back on track until school starts. My birthday is coming up and the Dream Cruise is this weekend, so I don't think I'll be okay until September :(

Eh, I feel poopy.

Holy Cow!

Wow!!!

I just went 30 min on the elliptical!!! I never go for that long!!

My phone has an FM radio so I was just listening to the radio and every time a good song came on, I went longer :)

I'm so proud of myself :)

I feel awesome right now!

I Have To Do This!!!

Ok, time is going by way too fast. I remember telling myself all the way back in January that I wanted to be at my goal weight by Christmas of this year. Well, it's more than half way through the year and I'm still at my start weight!!...well 10 lbs are gone, but still!! I haven't tried!!

So, I have a new plan of action and I need to do it NO MATTER WHAT!!! I'm sick of being fat and I'm sick of looking and feeling fat!! My new plan of action is to wake up everyday at 8:00 am..(that's so early for me!) and eat breakfast then go to the gym. NO MORE EXCUSES!! I have to get fit and trim for my student teaching. I want to like myself and right now, I'm getting off track so much that when I lay down I feel a double chin again! I am not fitting very nicely into my jeans anymore and I know I'm pms'ing so I'm bloated, but still! I need to stay within my calories, even on my work days, and I need to work out.

I feel that once the end of September arrives and school begins again, I'll have 3 night classes and a Saturday morning class so I have to start some type of pattern now to put into place so I'll be set for when it comes. Since I work nights, I need to get used to working out in the mornings, instead of sleeping in...*tear*...so I can finally get this weight off of me!

With that said, I have a few goals I put into play:

• drink more water (up to 8 glasses)
  
• meaning I have to carry around a water bottle that labels 24 oz or whatever
• work out 3x a week at Fitness U.S.A.
• mornings or weeknights if I open (mon-wed-fri)
• stay under my calorie amount everyday
• no more saying, oh it's only a few calories, so I really have to put my meals together well
• no fast food
• unless it's Subway :)
• 2 diet pepsi's a day
• I drink more than that so I have to start cutting back
• Blog everyday to post my feelings
• use Sparkpeople to track my calories
• use a binder to track my progress to print out their sheets

I really need to stick to these guidelines if I'm going to successfully lose weight. With Sparkpeople, I have to have 90 minutes of cardio a week and if I do that for 30 min mon wed fri, then I'll be just fine. If that means 15 on the elliptical and 15 on the bike, then I'll do that because I know I'm gonna be sweating so bad my first week there!!

Please wish me luck and I need to do this.....

NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shopping With Randy

Check out what I came across while shopping today at Great Lakes Crossing.....Can you believe that?!?! It's protein to go!! wow...anywho.....

I also came across these cute little Key Shirts :)

Anywho..that was my day shopping :)

Much Better Today

I did fantastic today :) Even though I had to work, I did awesome!

I woke up feeling sooooooo sick though today. I felt horrible. I had a horrible night sweat and I woke up with a horrible stomach ache. I knew it was all from the food I ate yesterday. Oh well, yesterday is over with and today was a whole new day.

I had my usual breakfast, Subway for lunch, and work food for dinner. Then I had cereal after work as my late evening snack.

Anywho, I'm tracking it all on the daily plate and it feels good to know I'm really doing this :) I was under calories today too :) Go me!

Well, tomorrow, I have to go to Baker and do my financial aid stuff, then Randy and I are going to Great Lakes Crossing (mall) to hang out. Gonna be so much fun :) And, I just got paid so can we say SHOPPING!! :) whoo hoo :)

Hope you all are having a wonderful week...:)

Confused

Okay, I was reading on the daily plate and one user recommended this as a good way to find out your maintenance calories: The Harris Benedict Equation.

Mine comes out to 1979.4 for maintenance and 1479.4 to lose 1 lb a week. It makes total sense to me :) The daily plate says that's for 2 lbs a week, but I know it's for 1 lb a week. I'm going to try this and see how it goes.

I really don't exercise and I know that I should, but I've been so lazy this summer. I'm usually not this lazy. I think I'm being lazy because I'm normally doing homework and doing things while I'm in school so now that I don't have school for one quarter in 4 years, I'm allowed to be lazy and have fun!! lol I think that's why my mindset is like it is. That's not a bad thing though because I want to have fun. Next summer is going to be nothing but moving and saying goodbye to everyone :(

I can't wait!! lol :) I posted a new video!!!

I did it!

I gave myself a week with Weight Watchers to see if this is going to work and the result was......

a gain of 0.5 lb

WTF!

I drank a lot of water so I think I'm retaining water, but I have come to the conclusion that every single day that I was "on plan", I felt hungry!! I don't want to feel hungry while trying to lose weight. I want to feel satisfied and healthy. When I woke up every day, I felt great though. I felt as if I was light, but when I would step on the scale I noticed that I was gaining :( How pathetic is that.

My week long WW try failed me. To me, I look at that and say, "well then, I could have really given into my temptations if I knew I was going to gain." I mean, my parents went to the Dairy Queen up the street last night and asked me if I wanted anything and I said NO! I really thought I was losing weight.

Oh, and with my work not having a microwave (it pisses me off) it makes it ten times harder to not eat my work food. I mean, with a microwave, I could bring in my box meal and eat that, but NOOOO, that won't ever happen...:(

I guess with my lifestyle now and the way things are in my life at the moment, I feel like I'm failing at WW. I'm gonna try calorie counting AGAIN...using the Daily Plate because I was very successful while using that when I first started in January :)

Here's to Week 2 doing something different.

BBQ

I woke up today knowing that the BBQ would be bad because I would have no idea how many points is in the cheeseburger I would be eating or the chips and stuff so....I ate a 3 pt breakfast, a 2 pt snack, and then the BBQ. I ate a cheeseburger ( so good ) and fruit with some fruit dipping stuff, some chips, and a lot of cookies, but they were cut in half so I ate them half at a time lol. I ate too many cookies!!!

But other than that, I drank some water, had 1/2 glass of diet pepsi...I'm trying not to drink any at all. So, I'm sure I used up all my flex points but I get new ones starting Monday :) Hopefully a pound will come off by Monday and tomorrow I'll stay right on plan.

Here's to tomorrow :)

Staying Motivated

So, Weight Watchers has been a little tough for me lately because I'm used to eating more than what I eat now lol..I guess that's why it's a diet right? Well, excuse me...lifestyle change lol.

• Breakfast
• 2 eggbeater omelet w/ cheese: 2 pts
• slice of toast: 1 pt
• 1/2 banana: 0 pts
• Lunch
• Rice and Beans meal: 6 pts
• light sour cream: 1 pt
• cheese: 1 pt
• Snack
• Fiber One bar: 2 pts
• Dinner
• Taco Bell Bean Burrito: 7 pts
• Snack
• 2 raisin and nut cookies: 6 pts (I'm so guessing here...I have no idea!)
• Total: 26 pts/26 pts
• Weekly left: 21 pts

Oh, and as I was trying to motivate myself to keep going and not eat, I came across this youtuber. She is awesome and embarking on the same journey I am with Weight Watchers. Please subscribe to her :) lol. She is helping me stay motivated and want to lose the weight. I can't wait to see her transform!

Here's to tomorrow!! I have a BBQ to go to tomorrow around 4 pm so I might use up the rest of my points...not sure...that's what they are there for right!! :) Good night! :)

:)

Nothing new to report except that I don't have to work again until Monday :) whoo hoo!!!

Oh and I was at work from 2:30 - 9:15 so that's why I ate dipstix twice...couldn't leave for anything else because I work alone :(

• Breakfast
• 2 eggbeater omelet w/ cheese: 2 pts
• slice of toast: 1 pt
• 1/2 banana: 0 pts
• Snack
• ice cream: 2 pts
• Lunch
• dipstix w/ cheese: 9 pts
• Dinner
• dipstix w/ cheese: 9 pts
• Snack
• Fiber One Bar: 2 pts
• ice cream: 2 pts
• Total: 27 pts/26 pts
• Weekly left: 21 pts
  

WW and Three Doors Down Concert

So, tonight was a blast! Randy had such a good time :) He looked like a little kid all excited :)..Anywho, we got lawn tickets and we picked a good spot. Unfortunately, you get the ones who like to smoke weed up there also and it's really hard to breathe!! You'd think with the wind it'd be okay, but no, it stunk and stunk bad. I have never ever smoked weed (and never will) and the smell was horrible!!! I had a deep down gut feeling that we should move and about 1/4 of the way into the Three Doors Down concert I said, "Randy, let's go now!". We move down to the end of the hill right at the walkway at DTE Energy Theater and stood for it and the smell was gone!! Randy got irritated at me because I was complaining so much about it and it kinda put him in a bad mood. But I really couldn't take that smell any longer :(. We found out it was right behind us a little bit up when we were on the lawn. Anywho, we're standing there for about 2 songs and this guy and girl come up to us and said, "Do you want these?" and she points down to where they were sitting. I said, "Are you giving them away?", she says, "We're leaving, here...". OMG, they were like 27 rows up in the pavilion.....my gut instinct turned into something great!!! Don't you just love it when that happens?? Randy's mood improved right away and he got to see his favorite band up close :) That made me happy too.

And, here's the food for today...I dipped into my weekly 35, but it was worth it...I ate the Pizza for dinner at like 5:45 pm and the McD's at 11:45 pm ....so yea..I was hungry!

• Breakfast
• 2 egg omelet w/ cheese: 2 pts
• slice of bread: 1 pt
• 1/2 banana: 0 pts
• Lunch
• Santa Fe Rice and Beans meal: 6 pts
• 2 tbsp light sour cream: 1 pt
• slice of cheese: 1 pt
• Snack
• Fiber One Bar: 2 pts
• Dinner
• Domino's Baby Pan pizza (individual 4 slices): 8 pts
• Snack
• Chocolate Dippin' Dots: 4 pts
• Late Evening Snack
• 2 cheeseburgers from McD's: 14 pts
  
• Total: 39 pts/26 pts
• Weekly left: 22 pts
• Water: Not sure, it was a lot...maybe 24 oz?? That's a lot for me!!
  

It was really a great food day for me. I thought it could have been way worse. Sure, I used some of my weekly points, but I can right?! Of course I can :) I love Weight Watchers :)

After looking at it, it's like a maintenance day for me if I was counting cals :) so yay!

Weight Watchers Day 2

Okay, so working while being on WW is not as bad as I thought :) Here's my day :)

• Breakfast
• 2 eggbeater omelet w/ ff cheese: 2 pts
• slice of bread: 1 pt
• 1/2 banana: 0 pts
• Snack
• 1 cup cantaloupe: 1 pt
• Lunch
• Smartones 3 cheese Ziti meal: 6 pts
• salad: 1 pt
• Snack
• Fiber One Bar: 2 pts
• Bologna sandwich w/ lettuce: 2 pts
• 1/2 cup cantaloupe: 0 pts
• Dinner
• DipStix (9): 7 pts
• Spicy Cheese: 2 pts
• Late Snack
• Sugar Free pudding cup: 1 pt
  
• Total: 25 pts/26 pts
• Water: 0.5 Liter

I think today went well besides my water intake. Well DUH! lol. I like WW and I'm hoping to be very successful while staying on plan. Tomorrow is the Three Doors Down concert featuring Staind, Finger Eleven, and Sic Puppies. I already know what I'm eating while I'm there so I will be using my Flex Points.

I am also a commenter on the message boards at www.dwlz.com where there is a chat room too. I'm on there :)

Weight Watchers Day 1

I'm feeling really good about starting Weight Watchers today. I have Christi to help me and me help her also. It's nice to have someone doing what you're doing.

Food for today:

• Breakfast
• 2 eggbeater omelet w/ ff cheese: 2 pt
• slice of toast: 1 pt
• 1/2 banana: 0 pt
• can of diet pepsi: 0 pt
  
• Snack
• 1 cup cantaloupe: 1 pt
• Lunch
• Smartones Ravioli meal: 5 pts
  
• small salad with light cheese and dressing: 1 pt
• can of diet pepsi: 0 pts
• Dinner
• Smartones Rice and Beans: 6 pts
  
• ff cheese slice: 1 pt
  
• 2 tbsp light sour cream: 1pt
• Snacks
• Fiber One bar: 2 pts
  
• 3 chocolate chip cookies: 4 points
• Water
• 20 oz. haha!
  

• Total: 24 pts/26 pts

Today was a really great first day on plan. I feel really good about continuing to do weight watchers and with my breakfast being really low points for what is in it, it makes it great to save my points for dinner :) Now to tackle tomorrow with work...:)

Changes

Buckcherry is my favorite rock band and yes, that's a picture of them at Crue Fest a couple weeks ago :)

If any of you know me as well as Randy does, then you would know that I change my mind on everything if I'm not happy with it lol. Yes, I've changed my mind yet again on weight loss. This is really hard for me to write about because once I write it down, I have to stick to it. At least that's the point of sticking to something you care about. Anyways, I feel like I have all this freedom with food choices when I count calories that I'm not picking the best food to help me lose weight. Counting calories is awesome and I recommend it to everyone, but I think I need to take another step back (AGAIN) and try something that I know works.

Weight Watchers.

Now, how many times have I said that I'd do this?!?!? And, how many times did I fail?!?!?! Every time I say that I will do Weight Watchers, I end up doing it for 1 day and 1 day only saying it's too hard and I quit. I feel like a quitter and I feel like I'll never reach my weight loss goal. Lately, I've been feeling down about my food choices and I need a big CHANGE!!

I will stick with it for more than 1 day and I will add 5 extra points due to the 35 weekly points outside of your dailies. We'll see how it goes for 1 week....that's how long I'm giving myself lol.

I will start Monday...take care :)

UGH!

179.5 lbs today...WTF?!?!

I think I know why I'm up. Going from eating barely nothing in the beginning of the week to eating normal again messed me up. I added bread (like I normally eat) and my weight came up a tad lol. I'm okay with it because I know it's my normal food. Gonna count my calories today and measure my food to see if I see a loss soon :)


Today's food wasn't that bad. If you look a few days down below you'll see the same things I ate today because I had to work so it was work food. I had 3 Fruit Punch Icees though which was really bad lol.

Tomorrow is a new day. I have to work, but I'll play what I'll eat :)

Learning How To Read Sheet Music...

I have known for a while how to read it, but it was back in elementary school when I learned it lol. So I went online and found some free sheet music that I'm using for my keyboard and it's so much fun. I'm really slow right now, but I'll get better. I'm trying to use both hands, but right now I'm focusing on just my right hand lol.

Here's my food for today :)

• Breakfast
• shredded wheat cereal (170 cals)
  
• strawberries
• splenda packet
• skim milk (90 cals)
  
• Lunch
• Kerby Melt w/ sour cream from Kerby's Koney Island (dunno)
  
• water (1/2 glass)
• Dinner
• easy mac (230 cals)
  
• peas
• 2 ff hot dogs w/ ketchup (little bit) (100 cals)
  
• Snack
• small bag of whoppers :) yum (280 cals)
  

If the Kerby Melt was 600 cals...(which it's probably less than that..) then I'm under 1600 again :) I did so good today too!!! :)

I'm going back to staying under my cals and just eating normal food. The 3 days that I ate practially nothing, I almost starved to death lol. I felt like I wasn't eating and I felt miserable. I will lose my weight at my own pace thanks :)

Thoughts about Weight

My 22nd birthday is on August 21st and I just wanted to say that last year around this time I weighed 160ish. Yes, I'm 178 now, but I would like to be 170 by my birthday. Here is a picture of what 170 lbs looks like on me :) It was from last summer at the wavepool. (where I got burnt lol)

So Hungry.....:(

Alright, so my new way of eating sucks major ass. I enjoy eating the salads, but I do not enjoy being hungry all of the time so, again, I'm changing things up. God why I am so stupid?

I really don't like eating chicken all the time so I don't know. I can't just change my eating habits from greasy to non greasy in a couple of days. That's crazy!! Plus, I am only eating about 1000 calories maybe more every day and that's the reason why I'm so hungry. So, today, I will eat more. Oh and on the days I work, I'm allowing myself ONE Fruit Punch Icee. Just ONE, they are sooooo goood though and they cool me down. I need to change my lifestyle eating habits so I'll work on that day to day.....I need to learn not to eat bad foods. I'm trying! :)

The picture above is an old one of Randy and I at Royal Oak lanes that is not there anymore back in 2005 I believe.

Here's my stuff for today:

• Breakfast
• shredded wheat cereal
• skim milk
• strawberries
• splenda packet
• Lunch
• DipStix w/ spicy cheese @ work
• 22 oz Fruit Punch Icee
• Dinner
• Pizza Pretzel w/ spicy cheese @ work
• 22 oz Fruit Punch Icee
• Snack
• NONE! besides diet pepsi @ work

That's all. I believe that I am still under 1600 cals though because I did calculate them :) I'm proud of myself today. I can not drink those Icee's anymore because they make me jittery with all the sugar!! lol Here's to tomorrow :)

I get to see my baby tomorrow :) whoo hoo :)

OMG!!!

I AM 178 LBS TODAY :)

I guess I'm still in for the Lucky 7's Challenge so I'm down 1 lb for 2 weeks :).

Holy crap! I guess eating right pays off AND the fact that I dropped water weight from being on my period :) I'm so happy that this is helping motivate me to keep going and stick to eating healthy :)

Have a wonderful day today and I'll update my food:

• Breakfast
• shredded wheat cereal
• skim milk
• strawberries
• splenda
• Snack
• protein pudding
• Lunch
• side Caesar salad from Wendy's
• Snack
• banana
• Dinner
• chicken w/ ketchup
• salad with cheese and crackers on it (light cheese) plus french dressing
  
• peas
• Snack
• protein pudding
• 1/4 wedge of cantaloupe
• 4 garlic melba toast
• 3/4 c. ff cottage cheese
  

I had a very good day today although I am still very hungry and have been :(. I think it's because of my sweets and stuff I used to eat. Now, I'm just eating smarter than before and I feel good. I know I'll do fine in a couple more days, I just have to hang in there to get passed this. :)

Trying Something New

Today was the day where I stopped binging on food and get my ass into gear. I could have waited until Monday, but what the hell....why not start today?!

So, I'll start jotting down things I had for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks here:

• Breakfast
• cheese omelet
• 1/2 banana
• slice of toast w/butter
• Lunch
• 4 melba toast (garlic)
• ff cottage cheese
• Dinner
• mashed potatoes
• corn
• grilled chicken
• Snacks
• canteloupe (1/4 wedge)
• protein pudding (vanilla)
  
• Drinks
• crystal light
• diet pepsi

I'm still a bit hungry and it's reaching 10 pm so I'll go get a snack before bed. I know I'm not eating much, but I'm not writing down my calories because I'm eating healthier food choices.

UPDATE: I had another 1/4 of canteloupe :) yummy

I just really want to see results on the scale faster because YES, I feel fantastic, but I want the numbers to go down. I don't feel 180 so I don't want to see that number lol. Actually I don't know how much I weigh. Last I weighed was 182 so I will drop :) I will weigh myself at the end of the month to see my progress....:)

Take Care :)

Self Esteem

I am going to have to admit that I have a huge self esteem issue. Some days I love how I look, other days, I cringe at the sight of myself. I guess it all depends on what clothes I wear. I have a lot of pants that are too big on me so they make me look huge. I have 2 pairs of pants that fit perfectly, but I can't wear those everyday.

Randy and I seem to argue a lot and when it gets emotional on my part and not on his, it's my problem because I'm constantly feeling sorry for myself. I know that if I lose the weight, I will be a hell of a lot more happier in my skin. I was last summer......I was so happy then....:(

I have a lot of stress that relates to my fears of moving down to Florida with Randy and not knowing what the future is gonna be for us and my career. It down right scares me :(.

I just need to do something about my weight. Getting down to 150 lbs is something that I want so bad that I'm not being patient enough to wait for. I have to put work into it and if that means cutting out calories then that's what I'm gonna have to do. I might do 1000-1200 cals because I'm not very active. On days when I'm active, I'll eat 1200-1500 cals. Inside my Calorie King book, those calories were listed in there for women. I did not make those numbers up.

I'm gonna just incorporate fruits and veggies with every meal with a protein. That's more doable than the MWLC diet that I did last summer. I got down to my semi-goal weight in 3 months last year....this year is gonna take forever!! :( But hey, it's the healthy way :)

Take Care...:)

Breakthrough

I've been feeling really crappy today... I've been downloading music to make me feel better... It's working...

Buckcherry and Sixx AM are my two new favorite bands and their songs are so amazing. There are two songs by Sixx AM that touch me right now. They are "Tomorrow" and "Accidents Can Happen".

Anyways, I am at my wits end with my weight loss. This stupid process is going way too slow for me. Yes, I'm used to faster results, but c'mon, this is ridiculous. So, I went into my brother's old room where the medical weight loss stuff is started reading the material again. The reason why I did this is because I'm wearing a tight red nighty and tight shorts for sleeping and I glanced at myself in the mirror and all I see are rolls :( Not happy at all about it :(....I know I've come a long way, but I want to see more sooooo that's where the booklet comes into play.

Here's a sample of what I would eat with the plan:

• Breakfast:
• 1/2 cup strawberries
• 1 serving shredded wheat cereal
• 4 oz. skim milk
• Lunch:
• 1 portion cottage cheese
• 1 cup raw broccoli
• 1 cup raw cauliflower
• 1 small orange
• 2 slices Melba toast
• Mid-Afternoon Snack:
• 1 cup cantaloupe
• 1 1/2 cups air popped popcorn
• Dinner:
• 1 portion boneless, skinless chicken breast
• 1/2 cup steamed grean beans
• 2 cups romaine
• 1/4 cup cooked pasta

This is just an example. I took it off of their sample meal plans. I have the nutrients to take in between meals, but maybe if I just eat like I used to maybe the weight will fall off?

I need some advice...please!!

Oh and tomorrow will be a nice day with Randy's dad's party :) That means alcohol and fun times....

Now I'll leave you with some lyrics....

Are you waiting for the reason to change?
Are you waiting for the end, has it came?
Nothing's gonna stand in your way...

Just look at yourself, do you like what you see?
Look at yourself, is this how it should be?
Just look at yourself, 'cause there's nowhere to go
And you'll know

Tomorrow
You're gonna have to live with the things you say
Tomorrow
You'll have to cross bridges that you burned today
Tomorrow...
And everything you do, it's coming back for you
You'll never outrun what waits for you
Tomorrow.

(Sixx AM-Tomorrow) :)

I Was Tagged

5 things found in your bag:
1) wallet
2) chapstick
3) tylenol
4) Calorie King book
5) pads

5 favorite things in your bedroom
1) bed
2) iPod
3) shelf of stuff from Randy
4) tv
5) very cool lamp

5 things I have always wanted to do
1) get to my goal weight
2) sky dive
3) be more independent
4) be wealthy
5) sing

5 things I am currently into:
1) YouTube
2) losing weight
3) school
4) Randy lol
5) ooVoo

Everyone has been tagged, but I will tag Randy and Scott :)

Premonition

Okay, so this week will be shot to hell....again.

Let me just clarify that I really want to lose weight and get thinner. I really want to do this for myself and be happy, but honestly, I like how I look at the moment.

The reason why this week is gonna be bad again is due to my period. It starts in a couple of days and it really sucks with all my cravings and hunger pangs.

Take today for instance, I was extremely hungry all day and it just got worse after I worked out. I had my dinner and it seemed to have subsided for a couple of hours. We got to Walmart and I swear I wanted to eat everything in that store. I ended up buying a Twix so I could subside that and it worked. Although right now I really want to go to McDonald's to get something because I want it. Whether or not I'll actually do that is the question. Another thing, tomorrow I will be going to a Music Festival here in town where Papa Roach, Motley Crue, Buckcherry, and Trapt will be performing and I will probably have a couple drinks or one, and I will be eating crap food lol. ANOTHER thing is that on Thursday night, Randy's parents are throwing a jeepers party here with his jeeping buddies. So that means, snacks, beer, and more snacks and beer!! lol Christi would love to come due to the beer! lmao! :) I love you Christi :)

Anyways, I just feel like I'm doing badly at the moment, but at the same time, I really feel like I'm doing all I can with what I've got. I am not taking diet pills, I am not starving myself, I am just trying to do this the right way :) It's completely mind fucking all at the same time.

So on another note, I remember Shanti saying how much easier it is to lose weight in the summer and Dustin saying how much easier it is to lose weight in the winter. I first thought to myself that the summer is so easy with all the people in skimpy clothing making you want to lose weight and all, but then I thought, wait a minute...this is hard!!! So many parties and outings to go to that food is always there!!! Every summer I have been on some diet that involves me bringing my food wherever I go. Now, I have to make good choices and constantly think about what I'm putting into my mouth because it's not always preplanned like it used to be for me.

I was talking to Randy a little bit ago, he went for a run to destress himself, but I was talking to him about how it might be easier in the winter time to do this. I'll have a set schedule with student teaching and I'll be way busier than I am now. Does this mean that I'm going to stop doing what I'm doing? NO, does this mean that I'll gain my weight back? NO. What I think I'm trying to say as my thoughts spill out onto the keyboard is that I think I'm gonna try to maintain my weight until my life becomes a little less chaotic. I like where I'm at and I'm gonna try to tone my body up so I feel even more better. I am going to stop worrying about the scale and just live my life. I'm 21 years old. I need to enjoy my life more. I need to stop letting food ruin my life.

I will still be a part of the lucky 7's challenge and I will still update you guys on how I'm doing, but I think I'm not going to try as hard. I just want to be happier and live more carefree. I'm not going to stop exercising and I'm not going to pigout on everything I see because if I do, then I'm going back to my old habits and that's not what I want to do. So, I guess you guys won't see me drop tons of weight, I might level off for a while, but I will try to lose inches slowly but surely.

Take care :)

Lucky 7's Challenge Week 2

Well, I was really hoping to lose my water weight from the holiday and birthdays, but apparently I actually gained a pound. Oh well! And, to top it off, my period starts this week and I will definitely be retaining water until I'm off :( It sucks because I am exercising my butt off playing Eye Toy Kinetic and the weight has yet to fall off. I have worked out for 4 days now in a row now and I feel fantastic, but the weight isn't coming off :(.

I really do feel awesome though. My inches I feel are gonna come off more and then the weight will. The Kinetic game really works my legs, thighs, tummy, and arms really good for every workout. I have to do it today because tomorrow I don't think I'll be able to do it. I'm going to a concert tomorrow and I have to be there at 5pm. So we'll see. It's on for today though :) So happy :)

Oh yea, I also started taking protein supplements (not meal replacements), but they are from my Medical Weigh Loss Clinic diet that I did last summer. They have 15 g of protein in each packet and I'm taking three of them a day. I will usually take them 2 hours after each meal or whenever I get hungry before a meal. So, I'll be taking in 45 g just with the packets plus any other protein that I get in anyways. The Calorie King's booklet shows that for women, the amount of protein that we should be getting in daily is 46g-110g. I barely reach the 46 I think. I just need more!! So, we'll see how it goes and see if it improves my weight loss :) I'm excited about that.

Oh yea, and for any of you who have not heard about ooVoo, it's exactly like Skype except you can have video conference calls up to 6 people :) That's awesome :) Hope to see you there :)

Take Care :)

Week 1: 179
Week 2: 180

I am dripping in sweat right now!!

I just got done working out to Kinetic. I burned 350 calories!!! So excited because I really feel like I'll lose weight now that I'm working out. I've got the eating down pat, now it's time to sweat!

Although, this week has been tough with food with me because of a lot of events going on, but they are over now so I can now go back to normal habits :) Yes, I said NORMAL lol. My eating habits are finally normal :) yay!!

This butterfly picture was taken at a butterfly museum when I was in Florida last March in 2007. Isn't she purrrty? lol

Anywho, I am literally dripping sweat off of me so time to shower...

Have a great day everyone! FREE SLURPEES AT 7-11 TODAY BECAUSE IT'S JULY 11TH :)

Ugh...!

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY BOBBY!!!

LOL...he's a quarter of a century old! lol

Anywho! Today is another crappy eating day :(....I feel like I'm giving excuses as to why I'm not on track, but who cares! Today is my brother's birthday and we are going out to dinner AND having cake and ice cream :) Plus, I ate the last 2 slices of pizza this morn for breakfast. So, there is officially no more pizza in this house :) Thank God! I'm glad I got it out of my system. I don't want to return to that again lol.

Now I'm going to play more Kinetic and try to burn off some water weight. I still have my burn, but the pain is hardly there anymore. Some places are worse than others, but I think I can deal with it today.

I was also up on the scale today at 182 lbs due to all the freakin sodium in the pizza :( lol...I still look damn sexy though so whatever!! lol Talk about my confidence :)

The numbers on the scale will go down, but I still feel fantastic......

Onto working out :)

UPDATE: I just worked out and burned 297 calories playing Kinetic...I'm a hot mess right now but I feel good about my workout. :)

Omg!

Okay guys...I'm not falling behind or anything, I'm just about to start my period next week and I am giving into all of my temptations!! That is so bad for me! I gave in to 7 peanut butter cookies at Randy's parent's place (where he's staying at now), and then I had a chocolate roll thingy (2 of them), and then I went home to get pizza from Little Caesars. It was horrible choices today yes, I know, but I really wanted to eat it. I'm glad it's out of my system now and I will not be stuffing my face anymore.

I felt like I had to blog about it because I need to leave myself accountable for whatever I eat. Lately, I have been craving a lot of things because my period will be next week and normally I get the munchies now lol.

I had 6 slices of pizza today :( I had 4 with dinner and 2 later on in the evening. blah!!! lol

I know everyone has had these kinds of days when food and calories are no issue at all so whatever. Tomorrow is a brand new day and my burn is hurting me less so I will probably work out tomorrow with Kinetic and then have cake with my brother for his bday. I promise I'll have a small ass slice because I need to get my butt into gear!!

talk to y'all later :)

Jobs and School!

I seriously can not wait until I start teaching. The only types of jobs that I have had in the past were dead end jobs that were part time only. I have had one full time job that lasted 2 months during the summer like 3 years ago. I have never been paid more than $8.00 an hour and that was when I worked at the Royal Oak Medical Center doing Medical Records. I so got underpaid, but I had no experience with Medical Records and my boss was cheap lol. Anyways, all of my jobs never took me up to management due to the fact that my school schedule was so demanding. I have never done school full time while working full time. I always have dedicated myself to my schooling instead of work because my schooling is what is going to get me somewhere as where a job is just a job for a paycheck. I have to think that way because it's true. All of jobs have just been paychecks to me. School is my ticket out of Michigan :).

I just see other people my age who are in management positions and I'm still getting minimum wage at a dead end job. It frustrates me, but at the same time it's making me appreciate my education so much more because I know I'll be doing something I love and all of these other people will probably be stuck where they are at :). That makes me feel a little better. lol

I can't wait to go back to school in September :)

Lucky 7's Challenge

Okay, so this morning I weighed in at 179.5.

That means that all my water weight pretty much came off :) yay!!

179.5 is my start weight for the new challenge put forth by Mandy and I can't wait to kick some butt.

I have been in the sun pretty much all day and I've had all of my calories so far lol. I might go over a little bit today, but I'm not worried about it. I got in a lot of exercise by swimming in the wave pool and walking around the park for a while. I had so much fun! Although, I got really burnt :(

Other than that, today went well :) I'll be working on the intro video for the challenge today and posting it a little later.

Good Luck to those who are joining the challenge :)

Post 4th of July

Okay y'all! haha....I'm a dork, I know!

I had a great 4th of July and I have to say that while I was there, I didn't count my calories because I never eat the types of food I ate while I was there in Fowlerville :). These are the foods I remember having: (all day, not all at once, and I know I ate a lot so don't be surprised)

• bagel with cream cheese (2) New York Bagel (the second one might have made me sick)
• nacho chips with cheese (large portion lol)
  
• hot dog with cheese
• pasta salad (small portion)
  
• beans (small portion)
• green bean casserole (small portion)
• tiny bite of nasty egg salad....eww their's was gross
• 1 slice of cake
• 3 mint desserts (they looked like tiny cheeseburgers but they were two vanilla wafers that had a mint patty with red and yellow frosting to look like ketchup and mustard)..so good!
• bean dip with cheese and tostitos chips
• 2 Mike's Hard Lemonades
• Strawberry Shortcake frozen ice cream bar from the rest stop coming home! lol
  

I believe that was everything I ate all day. It was sooooo good, yet sooooo unhealthy.

At about 5 am this morning, I woke up shaking uncontrollably and feeling so nauseated that I wanted to throw up! I went to the bathroom to try and throw up but it wouldn't go. My stomach was going crazy the entire time and then finally, it came out :) But not throwing up so at least it's out of me lol.

I weighed this morning at 181 :) I weighed last night to see how the food affected me and I was 184.5 last night (always up by at least 2 lbs at night so I'm not worried).

There is a new challenge for July-August that Mandy, from YouTube, has announced. It runs from July 7th to August 18th. This Challenge is absolutely perfect for me because my 22nd birthday is on August 21st. :) My own personal goal is to lose 11 lbs by my birthday, but if I can get off 7 by it, then this will help me :)

I don't see anymore challenges getting in the way of my weight loss besides my brother's birthday on Thursday the 10th of July. He'll be 25 and we are having cake here at my house. I will put away the calories for it and will only have a small piece.

It seems that this past week, ever since June ended, that I've been having trouble with food only because last weekend was my cousin's grad party and then the 4th was yesterday so it was hard to eat healthy. I see nothing but good things from here on out and I hope ya'll are doing well :)

Have a good week :)

Food for Thought

So, tonight I really got a craving for my pint of Haagen Dazs Strawberry ice cream and I knew that tomorrow, the 4th of July, was going to be an off day because I'll be around lots of yummy food and I know I'm not gonna count my cals for the day. I got the craving and discussed what I was thinking about with Randy. Well, I figured that I'm already gonna go over tomorrow and I'm craving it now, I might as well give in because of tomorrow. I haven't had it in a month now and if I leave a craving, I'll do worse the next day, so I just ate it. It sure was yummy! I even called Christi at like 10:30 (my time) to see if she was awake so she could help me out, but no luck, her phone was off :(.

So, if I gain some weight because of my choice tonight and my choices tomorrow, I am okay with it. I know I'll just work out hard and eat right from Saturday on to get back to where I'm at now at 179 :)

Just some thoughts on what I went through today...food will always still be an issue lol.

June Challenge - June 30th

So, the results for June is 4 lbs. My goal was to get down 6 lbs. I missed it by 2 lbs, BUT it's being made up for by losing inches :) So far, I think I'm down 4 inches total for my waist and hips together. I don't remember my bust size before but I'm definitely down on the other two. My measurements are taken with a paper SparkPeople measuring tape that I printed out and stapled together....I do not know how accurate it really is lol

Chest: 43"
Waist: 37"
Hips: 47"

That's my measurements for now. Now that I've written them down and documented them, I'll see my progress from here.

Today was another great day. It was Randy's 25th birthday so we went out to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. I got the Chicken Tender Wrap with sour cream...yummy! I think overall today I hit 1600-1700 calories :) I did so well today.

Well, heading to bed now.......I hope to lose more soon!

Feeling Great

So, I weighed myself the day after I weighed in at 179.5 and I am now 179.0...that's another 0.5 lbs down :) I am very proud of myself by how far I've come doing this the healthy way.

I am feeling so good that my confidence is growing. That may seem weird to others, but when I am fat, I have no confidence at all. When I feel skinny and am losing weight, my confidence is out the door. I guess it's a great feeling all wrapped into one.

Oh, and with my lifestyle and my job, I am doing the best I can to lose weight. I'm too used to losing quickly so with losing almost 2 lbs in 10 days is hard for me lol. I know, I know, I need to be patient and I am so I just have to take the loss as a loss. I have to keep remembering to continue eating my calories and continue with what I'm doing so I can see a loss. If I slip up and eat too many calories, I won't lose. If I can just keep remembering that, by the 10th day or so, I'll see a great loss.

Another thing: I'm becoming obsessed with the scale again :(. Ever since seeing a loss to 179.0, I have been weighing everyday (since Monday) to see if it's going down. That has to come to an end now!! So, I will not weigh in tomorrow, I will get through tomorrow and that will be an accomplishment :)

:)

Exciting News!!!

Holy crap!!! So, I've been on my period for the last few days and my weight has stayed at 181.0 so I knew that I was retaining my water weight. Well, I woke up feeling extremely lighter than normal and so I decided to step on the scale.

179.5 lbs

OMG!!! My water weight definitely came off!!! Too bad it didn't come off on June 20th for my June Challenge weigh in, but eh, what can ya do?! lol I am sooooooo super excited about this loss of 1.5 lbs and that makes my total to be 10.5 lbs down since January 2008 :) How good is that? Now I stayed between 186-183 for like 3 months because I wasn't doing anything to lose weight, but when June rolled around, I was back on it! I can not believe I'm losing weight the right way!

It's weird because every summer, that's when I try to lose weight, I've always paid for Weight Watchers or some other huge ass expensive diet and I've never tried counting calories. This is so exciting and new and refreshing to know that counting calories and exercise really do work!! There is definitely no secret here lol....just do what you're supposed to and you'll lose weight :)

I'm so excited that this is helping me to stay motivated and continue doing what I'm doing because I know it works :)

Oh, I tried on the same shirt that I wore for New Years and it's looser on me and I'm curvy again!! I love my curves and when I got to 190, they went away :(...I love being sexy :) lol

Take Care :)

Changing For The Better

Okay, so I'm the type of person that has been on this diet long enough to know that if I don't know how many calories are in something, I won't eat it. I usually bring my food everywhere I go so I'm not tempted to eat everything in sight without knowing how many calories are in it. Today was the day when I had to put my lifestyle changes that I've learned to the test.

Let me just say that going out of my house (my comfort zone) to a friend's house for hours is very hard for me to do. Especially if I do not bring any of MY food with me. I go over there and so far I've only eaten breakfast that had 260 calories in it. I get over here and it's lunchtime. I make myself a cheese sandwich and grab a 100 calorie pack of goldfish. Dinner is explained below...:)

So, today, right now, I'm at Scott's house and what does his dad call Scott for? He calls him to ask him to call in for pizza. That is the one thing that I love, but know has way too much sodium for me to have and too many calories. So, I refuse to eat that and Randy and I go to get Subway. I passed up Little Caesar's pizza for Subway. How good was I? Scott and I have a quick little discussion and he says he's not ready to lose weight right now, but he's doing well because he's had 3 slices instead of 4 or 5 slices. Yes, I believe he did a good job, BUT he's been having pizza almost everyday for a week now it seems :(. I really wish he could get his butt in gear and want to lose weight. He has me to help guide him to looking and feeling better, but if HE'S not ready, HE will not lose the weight. I was like that too when I was thinking about losing weight. He'll eventually get to the point where he wants to lose weight, but until then, pizza anyone?

So all in all I have had 1,085 calories and it's only 6:45 pm. Yay!! I now have more than enough for a snack later today when I get home or later here and I feel awesome. Tomorrow is Weigh-In number 3 for the June Challenge and I know I'm not going to gain any weight.

I've been weighing myself daily all week ONLY because I was starting my period and I wanted to see if I gain weight when I start. Did I? NO!! I have been 181 lbs all week long :) I don't think I'll see a gain (hopefully...haven't eaten that much to gain) and I think it'll be the same number. Yes, I'm still bloated, but I know once I'm done, I'll lose the water weight that is sticking to me lol.

I can't wait to get out of the 180's :)

Having A Rough Day

Yep, that's right, I'm having a rough day today...well HAD a rough day today. Every time I'm close to starting my period, usually a day or two before, I get really hungry and depressed. I get to the point where I get sad and I feel like I need to indulge on food to make my problems go away. The old me, which I'm trying to say old because I shouldn't feel like I need food anymore, the old me would just go someplace and gorge myself in some fast food. BUT, I had already had my snack after dinner AND a slice of cake. I had about 1800 calories today and I'm okay with that. I have to go over 2000 calories to be worried because that's my maintenance calories. So anyways, I wanted to go to Taco Bell really badly because I was feeling so down. I did not go to Taco Bell, but I wanted to just so I can fill the void. The thing is though, I didn't want food. Yes, I wanted like cheese, but nothing like from McDonald's or anything. It was a very weird feeling. I was full, but I wanted to eat anyways.

I really feel bad for my boyfriend who is there when I need to talk, but I need to lighten up about this situation. I'm my own worst critic always and I know I'm a hard ass. I just need to lighten up. Whenever he sees me this way, he hates it! I know he's there to console me and help me, but sometimes what he says just makes me even more annoyed because it's not like it's a switch that will turn me into being happy and not hungry. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and he's there for me no matter what!, but I just feel like it's hard for him to understand....I mean he's 6'4" and weighs 150 lbs. ENOUGH SAID! He's tired of seeing me struggle because he knows how much I want this for myself. He hates seeing me sad and so do I.

I know I want to lose my weight, but because it's so slow, I'm getting frustrated. Every single diet I've been on, I've lost weight really quickly. Now that I'm eating normal, but with smaller portions, I feel like it's taking forever. Am I doing everything I can to lose fast? No. The reason is because if I lose it fast, I will gain it fast. If I cheat and eat something like fast food, I don't see a gain on the scale because my body is already used to that type of food. I don't feel I should deprive myself of things I like.

I'm feeling so many emotions right now and it's hard to sway myself back on track. I am back on track though...I mean I didn't eat anything when I got home. I know tomorrow is a new day and I'm gonna do this, but with it being the time of the month, my hormones make me hungry. It's like I'm never full. :( And another thing, my parents go to bed really early....like around 10ish so I can't sneak downstairs to get food. While I was living with Randy, I could do that, but here, I have to eat everything before they go to bed. In one way it's kinda nice because I won't snack late, but in another way, I hate it because I'm hungry and when I'm hungry, it's very hard for me to go to sleep. :(

Blogging about my day and how tough it really is for me is really helping me. I feel a little bit better knowing that I typed out my feelings. :) I need to get my calorie intake down though in order to lose more weight. I don't feel like I'm gaining or losing. I feel like I'm just coasting still at 181 lbs.

Here's to a better day tomorrow!

Back on Track!

So, today I am back on track :)

Although, this morning, my parents only left me with 1/4 cup of eggbeaters (1 egg) so I only had that with some shredded cheese. All of our bananas went bad so I couldn't have any fruit either. As a result, I was hungry within an hour and a half after eating instead of the 2-2 1/2 hours I usually can go. Today was awesome though. I, so far, have only had about 1300 calories and I worked out on the elliptical for 15 minutes going 1.10 miles. I'm always proud of myself when I can push myself to go the whole 15 minutes. Normally, I want to get off and go home, but I make sure to do at least one mile.

I did another video blog updated the end to the 21 day challenge.

This Friday is June 20th which will be the third installment to our June Challenge videos. I hope to lose 1 lb by Friday, but if not then I know it's because I lost 2.5 lbs during the first 10 days. I always lose weight, then gained half a pound, then lose, then gain half a pound. My body loses inches in between tiny increments of weight loss. That's just how my body is I guess, plus, I'll be on my period, so I hope with all the exercise I get in this week (4 days) I'll lose that 1 pound to add to my loss for the month.

That is all for now.....on to shower.

Feeling Good

Today is Day 21 of the 21 Day Challenge that I was given by a friend of mine. It was given to me so I can re-evaluate some things about my diet and lifestyle. The three guidelines that were given were:

1. stay under calories
   
2. work out 6x a week
3. log everything you eat

These three things aren't hard to do at all. I logged every day, incorporated fruits and veggies everyday (that I could when I was at home and not working), and the working out was just ridiculously hard to do considering the fact that I have to drive a far distance to the gym. I didn't work out at all for the first week of doing the challenge. I started working out twice a week since June 1st for my June Challenge and even that was not enough. I will have to say this though, I enjoyed the challenge a lot and it made me realize that I can lose weight and be healthy. The tougher parts of doing this challenge is noticing that I have to live life as well as "diet".

This past weekend challenged me to no end and I must say that I failed the weekend. Saturday I gave in and was okay with giving in because I have not "cheated" off of my plan of my foods since I started counting calories again. No, I do not feel good about eating bad foods not because I don't feel good, but because I know I have to start fresh tomorrow. It won't be that hard, but the fact that I can't eat cake again for a while kinda bugs me. I have to stay away from my boyfriend's place because he has cake! lol

I will continue to make progress as I go and I will do just fine with the support of my YouTube friends. :)

http://www.youtube.com/user/mellowyellow821