Wow. It has been a long time since I've updated. Well, things just continued to get worse with my weight.
Good News: I'm engaged!!! (since Sweetest Day)
Bad News: I've gained weight and this time I can FEEL the weight in new areas. This is the worst feeling ever!
So, I've been eating horribly because of stress with my mom and the wedding. She's trying to tell me what I can/cannot do. Um, who's wedding is this again? Oh that's right...NOT YOURS!!! Ugh...
So, I'm sitting at 190 or more...I have not weighed myself for accuracy. I weighed myself a few days ago at night and was 191 so I'm prob 2 lbs less. I am usually 2 lbs less in the morning.
What I said above about FEELING the weight in new areas, I hate it. It's like when I walk, I can feel the new fat in my hips and thighs. My arms can totally feel it....and I have more of a chin than normal. It's disgusting.
The funny thing is though, when I do go for the fast food to drown my sorrows, I am not thinking this is gonna just turn into fat. I have this realization in my head that I won't gain weight. Isn't that weird? I feel like I'm just eating another meal. I have to be eating over 2500 calories a day even more I'm sure.
I remember telling myself that once school started I'll be okay and start losing weight because I'll be on a routine. No, that changed because my classes are night classes. My Monday night class is from 5 until about 9:15ish. We only get one 25 minute break and the cafeteria is about a 3 min walk plus you have to stand in line for food and then eat/talk with my friends plus get a bathroom break if I'm lucky. It's horrible. I can try to bring my food, but reheating it takes some time. There are only 2 microwaves too so if it's in use, then I'm screwed. ugh...
I'm wearing more and more sweaters to cover up my stomach. At least I am aware of what I'm doing and not in denial about how I look. This blog turned into a pity party didn't it?
One thing that I can not let myself do is become obsessed with losing weight. The main reason why I left youtube was because I got so obsessed with losing weight and everything involving weight loss. First, I deleted my videos from youtube. Then, I just continued watching other people for inspiration. My obsession continued, so then I just stopped logging in to watch weight loss videos. It worked for a while. I still to this day will log on a watch those people whose videos capture me.
I have become way more busier than I was over the summer lol. I have so much homework to do including creating lesson plans and thematic units. I have like no time for anything because when I'm not doing homework or have class, the other two days I'm inside a fourth grade classroom where I'll be student teaching in December.
So that's where I'm at.
1 comment:
kelly
ok seriously, no offense, but why is it ok for you to eat over 2500 calories every day, but if i have a binge one day, i need to talk to someone? you said i have been binging lately, but actually, i haven't. there's a difference between binging and just not eating healthy foods. i'm not trying to start an argument, but i mean it just kind of hurts me that you make these assumptions about the way i'm eating... even last week, yeah, i gained 7 pounds, but i wouldn't say i was binging every day, i was just eating more than i should have been, like you have been doing. and we all slip up every once in a while, like i did on tuesday. and i've never denied that i have a messed up relationship with food, and i probably always will, but i don't think that means i need professional help. again, not trying to start an argument... just giving you my thoughts. we both know what all of this feels like so i would think you'd be able to relate a little better. i do appreciate your concern, though.
laura
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