Feeling Slightly Motivated

So, I have been watching some more YouTube videos and I'm slightly beginning to get motivated again. I'd like to make YouTube videos, but honestly, I don't have the time to make a video each week anymore. Student teaching is such a full time position plus more!!

I'm getting to a point in my life that I really don't know how to handle. I remember writing about how my mind still thinks I'm thinner than I really am because I lost weight so quickly and gained it back so fast that my mind has not caught up with my body image. I seem to be opposite of what weight and body image is supposed to be. So, I totally can tell that I've gained weight and I hate it!!! Everytime I look in the mirror, I feel thinner than what my body is showing others so I am disgusted when I see what it looking back at me. Also, I know that I have an addiction to food. I can go on many diets and lose weight...not a problem. My problem is food! I love food too much to want to give up the tastes.

So I was at Border's today and I was looking at many diet books, as usual, and they all had like a specific plan and there was always a specific list of foods that were off limits. I can not handle having any food be off limits for me. I would end up binging on food more because of the absence. Anywho, not sure what's going on with me now because I hate how I feel sometimes, but I really don't want to put the effort into losing weight. My mind is going in so many circles and I don't know what to do.

I might go back to counting calories because that's what worked for me :)....I think once I get out of my parent's house and on my own, I'll end up starting this. Until then, not sure...:(